Behind the Scenes in Titans Tower!
by Draco Blade
Summary: Ever wonder what happens at Titans Tower after the show ends? They're all teenagers, right? So some pretty weird stuff's gonna go down! Prepare for total insanity! Rated M for sexual humor, and lots of it! Also, lots of OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans, and I never will. You'll see why when you read. Complete and total insanity. . .

**A/N:** I came up with this story after nearly getting decapitated on vacation this summer. Twice. I won't go into details (unless you want me to tell you), but it made me think. Have you ever wished you could just delete some events from your life?

I'm sure the Titans have. What follows is total insanity. These are scenes I have come up with, that, if they ever actually happened on the show, they would be censored. Either because they are inappropriate, or because they are completely out of character.

This isn't a whole story, just so you know. I will jump from random even to random event randomly. It's all random.

A warning. What follows is insane. There are also HUGE amounts of sexual humor, so be prepared. And if things start to look weird, I advise you to read on. Things usually turn out all right in the end. Or not. One or the other.

And now, without further ado, I, Draco Blade, proudly present:

**BEHIND THE SCENES AT TITANS TOWER**!

_WHAT ROBIN AND STAR DO WHEN THEY'RE ALONE_

Robin and Starfire were both lying on the couch. Involved in activities that are hard to describe accurately. I can't really do it justice, so I'll allow you to hear what they are actually saying.

"Go Robin, go!" Star cried, smiling happily. Robin was laying near her...very near her, and moaning happily.

"Go, go, go!" Robin muttered, moaning again. Star giggled as he let out another cry of ecstasy.

"Oh yes, please continue Robin!" Star said, now moving up and down on the couch in happiness. "Harder! HARDER!"

"Yes, harder, harder!" Robin cried, pushing harder and harder. "I'm almost there!"

"Oh, Robin! Faster! Faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" Robin said. "I'm there! It's happening!" He let out a cry of triumph. "Woohoo! Who da man!"

"Yes, Robin you are the victor!" Star cried, jumping up to hug the boy in happiness. Robin dropped the game controller he had been holding to stare at the television screen. His score was 10,000,000, and he had come in first place!

"Take that Cyborg! Who has the high score, now!"

_THINGS THAT GO THUMP IN THE NIGHT_

Raven couldn't sleep. The dark girl got up, rubbing her eyes. Something was keeping her up. She kept hearing a noise from outside her room. It was in the tower somewhere, keeping her up. Raven jumped from her bed, finding her cloak. She put it on backwards, and pulled up the hood by instinct.

The result was that Raven was now completely blind, and couldn't breathe. Struggling with the darn thing, Raven ended up tripping over the cape itself, and fell onto the ground.

"Crap!" she said, finally pulling the hood down. She took several deep breaths before getting back up. She straightened the cape so it fit correctly, and began towards her door.

Still iritated and annoyed from her lack of sleep, Raven forgot to open her door with her psychic powers. The result being that Raven walked right into the stationary door without it opening.

"Double crap!" she said, backing up. She gently rubbed her bruised nose as she opened the door. She finally exited the room and proceeded to close it when her cloak got caught in the closing door.

"Ack!" she cried as the door pulled her back, choking her. She fell to the ground yet again, and struggled to free her cloak. After finally getting it out of the doorway, Raven stood up and dusted herself off. The dark girl took several deep breaths to calm herself down.

After regaining her composure, Raven heard the sound yet again. It sounded like a huge thumping noise, coming from the common room. Raven took to the air, willing to avoid any more surprises. She glided towards the room in question and saw with a start that the door was open slightly. Musci could be heard coming from the room.

And it wasn't rock 'n roll, either. It sounded like a dance number...or ballet? Was that the _Nutcracker_? Wondering how she even knew what the _Nutcracker_ was, Raven opened the door. What she saw there was disturbing enough to make Slade crap his pants. In laughter, that is.

Standing in the middle of the common room, with one foot in the air, was Cyborg. The mechanical man was dressed up in a huge, pink tutu and was pausing in the middle of a dance step. His arms were outstretched, as if he were about to catch someone. One foot was in the air behind him.

A minute passed. Then two. Raven stared at Cyborg, and Cyborg just stared right back. Finally, he gathered up the courage to speak.

"Uh...I can explain."

"Please don't."

_WHY BEAST BOY DOESN'T EAT MEAT_

The green boy snickered as he stole the single, last piece of meat in the fridge. In this, the first week of his joining the Teen Titans, he had not been able to get one morsel of beef. The one called Cyborg had devoured all the meat present, and the other three had taken any left.

BeastBoy liked the four of them, and he was slowly getting used to them. But he hated their dietary patterns. As long as they kept this up, he would never have meat. And that meant no protein. And BeastBoy needs his protein!

So, here he was, stealing the last piece of meat at midnight. He pulled the huge hunk of beef out o the fridge and stared at it. He wondered why no one had eaten it? Sure, it was kinda really red. And sure, it was covered in blue fuzz. And sure, the expiration date said 1/1/02 on it. But it was probably still good. Right?

BeastBoy cackled at his own genius. He pulled out the hunk of beef and quickly made a sandwich with some bread and lettuce. He didn't bother to cook he meat, as that would take time. And then another Titan might wake up and steal his meat from him. No one stole BeastBoy's meat!

Finally, the moment of truth! In three huge bites, BB devoured his raw meat sandwich. He licked his fingers in pride, happy with himself. He was just about to leave when his stomach exploded in pain. Grunting, BB fell to his knees, clutching his stomach. It felt like he was gonna blow!

And then it was over. BB blinked and looked up. His stomach felt normal now, and he felt great. BB was about to stand when he saw a figure emerge in front of him. The figure was small and green, like him. Except this figure was covered in warts and had little wings on its back.

It looked a huge frog standing upright, with dragonfly wings. As BB stared at it in winder, he looked around the room. The Tower was gone now, replaced by a landscape that looked very much like Mars. Red dirt was everywhere.

"Hello there, dear chap!" said the strange frog creature, hopping over to the poor boy. "I saw, incredible weather we be havin, what?" As he said this, various sliced of turkey and chicken began to fall from the purple sky, smacking BB in the face. "Ooh, bad luck there."

"What's going on? And who are you?" BB asked.

"You don't know?" asked the winged frog. BB shook hie head. "Oh, you see I'm your guardian angel, Wartworth. And you're in MeatLand, my dear fellow, what!"

"My guardian angel is a frog?" BB asked. Wartworth laughed.

"Of course not!" Wartworth said, laughing again. "Actually, I'm just a figment of your imagination. All of this is. You see BeastBoy, you're dreadfully sick right now. Dreadfully."

"Raven kept telling me that," BB said agreeing.

"Aye, she did," Wartworth said. "But you really should be more careful about what you eat. Unless you want to come back here, that is, what!"

With that, another pound of beef landed on BB's face. "Yes, I promise! I'll never eat another piece of meat again, as long as I live! Just don't ever make me come back here!"

"As you wish!" Wartworth said. With that, the great frog jumped on the poor boy and bit him on the ear.

BB woke up in his bed, screaming. He looked around to see Raven standing over him, staring at him.

"I found you in the kitchen, drooling," she said, her eyebrow raised. "Care to explain why?"

BeastBoy gulped and smiled nervously. "Mind if I don't?"

_THE HORRORS OF SPANDEX_

"Dude, the girls are out!" BB said, opening the door to Robin's room. "And you know what that means!"

"You bet I do!" Robin said, getting up. He hadn't changed out of his costume, but what did it matter? It's not like spandex would do anything to hurt you right?

"Where are we watching it?" Robin asked.

"Right here in the TV room!" Cyborg said, letting them both enter. He waved a video tape in front of them, smiling. "They don't normally let ya rent these movies, but I made a little forceful argument with my sonic cannon."

"Alright, dude!" BB said, taking a seat on the couch. Cyborg and Robin sat down next to him, all ready to watch the unspeakable atrocities that Cyborg surely rented.

"It's starting!" Cyborg said. All three leaned in as the movie started. If you haven't figured it out by now, it's a porn movie. Just so you know.

BB and Cyborg began to smile hugely as the movie began. Robin did too, but he suddenly realized something was wrong. He was growing excited, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was he was still wearing spandex.

So, while the other two watched the movie, drooling, Robin let out an 'eep'. Gasping in pain, he slowly tried to get up. But that only made things worse. The spandex was so tight, it was restricting movement!

"Dear god, no," Robin gasped as he fought with his belt. To get out of this alive, he would have to remove his spandex pants. He finally got the darn thing off and ran from the room, screaming uncontrollably.

BB and Cyborg looked up with wonder and watching him go. His green pants lay in the middle of the floor, forgotten. And Robin could still be heard, screaming as he ran from the room.

"Dude! Just when it was getting good!" BeastBoy said, confused. "What's with him?"

Cyborg just chuckled. "Told ya he was gay."

_CLOSET LOVE_

"So you hear something?" Cyborg said, looking up from the video game he was playing.

"Yes, actually," Robin said, looking up as well. "I thought it was just me."

"The strange sounds are coming from the hallway," Starfire pointed out. At once, all three friends got up and left the common room, heading for the source of the strange sounds.

"It sounds like a Slurping Boombah monster from my home planet!" Star said, holding the two back. "They can be most powerful! And slurpy!"

"Well, whatever it is," Cyborg said, "It's coming from the closet." He pointed to the metal door that lead to the Titans' storage closet. One of them, anyway.

"Here we go," Robin said, snaking up on the door. Reaching out a hand, he gently grabbed the doorknob, and swung the door open to reveal the culprits.

All three stared with wide eyes as they looked into the closet. BeastBoy and Raven were both in the closet, holding each other in their arms. Their lips were constantly connected, and they were directly in the middle of making out loudly.

Raven was moaning in pleasure as BeastBoy's hands ran up and down her body. The remaining three Titans just stared in mixtures of disgust, guilt, and fear. Without even saying a word, Robin closed the door again, sealing them in once more.

They turned and ran away, not looking back.

_WHY CYBORG CALLS THE T-CAR HIS 'BABY'_

"Oh yeah girl, be gentle," Cyborg said as he sat in the front seat of his automobile. His arm was open, and a cable ran between him and the T-Car. "Oh yeah, baby! You know what makes Cyborg happy! Yes, you do!"

As Cyborg began to twitch in the least erotic way possible, the T-Car began to beep louder and louder, faster and faster.

"Oh yeah, baby! That's the stuff!"

**A/N: **Well, I think I've dirtied your mind enough for one night. I'll probably continue this if you guys want me to. I've got tons of insane, inappropriate ideas in mind for this story!

Review or I'll include you in the story! Good threat or what?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Teen Titans. I do, however, own the accident that screwed my brain up. All of them.

**A/N: **Wow! No one asked about my decapitation incident! W00t! That means I don't have to waste time telling you about it! HAHA!

Just so you know, I'll probably update this story randomly, with no set number of chapters in mind. I usually update after either a) getting an idea, or b) suffering a head injury. This is the latter.

Enjoy, you filthy-minded adolescents. . .

**BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER!**

**Chapter Two!**

_THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL_

BeastBoy looked up from the book he was reading in rage. His nostrils flared as his two best friends continued their long tirade over whether or not Cyborg had just cheated. Robin's finger was pushed against Cyborg's chest, and the mechanical man was yelling non-stop. They both were.

"You can't do that! It's unsportsmanlike!"

"That don't mean anything! I can do what I want, when I want!"

"You better watch that mouth, tin man!"

"Or what? You'll drown me in hair gel?"

"At least I have hair, baldy!"

"Oh, so you have to bring my genetics in, huh!"

"You bet I am!"

"I don't have to stand here and take this! Especially from some short little white boy!"

"Oh, now we're getting racist, too! Bring it on, $#!"

"HEY! Only black people can say that word! YOU"RE GONNA DIE #$#!"

As the two tackled each other in a frayed up frenzy, BB growled. He couldn't concentrate on reading! He looked up one final time, his eyes glaring angrily. He slammed the book close in frustration.

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!" he cried, fire exploding from his nose. Cyborg and Robin immediately stopped to stare at the their green friend. "I can't concentrate on my reading while you two act like immature pinheads!" And with that, BB growled one last time and stomped out of the room.

Cyborg and Robin just stared. They eventually turned to look at each other. "Was that BB...reading?"

"And getting mad?"

They both stared at each other, mouths wide open. "What next?"

Their question was answered by the door opening again. This time, both their mouths dropped to the floor simultaneously. Raven was standing in the doorway, dressed entirely in pink. Pink leotard, pink cloak, pink everything! A huge smile was plastered on her face. She skipped into the room, throwing various flowers left and right.

"HAPPY BLORTHOG!"

_PIMP MASTAH CYBORG_

"Oh yeah, that's it, girl!" Cyborg said in the middle of making out with Jinx. The dark enchantress smiled as she closed the gap between their lips once more. Cyborg happily kissed back.

"I love you," Jinx said, her hand slowly moving down his chest.

"I love you, too," Cyborg said, moving his hand to Jinx's leg. "How about we go all the way?"

"Definitely," Jinx said, smiling. Just as she prepared to take off her skirt, however, the door to Cyborg's room slammed open.

"WHAT!" BumbleBee cried, her eyes huge. "Cyborg, how could you cheat on me for this...this...villain!"

"Uh...I can explain?" Cyborg tried sheepishly. He smiled nervously.

"What! I thought you dumped her!" Jinx said, now looking horrified.

"You wish he did, bitch!" Bee said, tackling the short witch. The two began to fight on the floor frantically. As they did so, Cyborg tried to split them up, but only got knocked back.

"Cyborg, I'm heeeere..." came another voice from the doorway. They all looked up to see Sarah (from the Teen Titans GO! Comics) standing in the doorway as well.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Cyborg cried, desperate to keep at least one of his many girlfriends.

"Well, it looks like you have two very ugly girls fighting over you that I've never even met before!" Sarah cried, beginning to sob.

"Sarah..." Cyborg said, his face becoming worried.

"UGLY?" cried Jinx and Bee, now tackling Sarah as well. The three girls continued to fight as yet another person appeared at the doorway.

"Cyborg, it's me, Sarasim!" said the cave-girl happily.

"Wha–?" Cyborg said, now looking at his long-lost love. "What? But you died thousands of years ago!"

"Raven brought me back to cheer you up!" Sarasim said. "Who are these other girls?"

"We're his girlfriends!" all three fighting girls cried at once, still beating the crap out of each other.

"WHAT! But Cyborg, I thought I was your only love!" Sarasim pleaded.

"Yeah, well, you see," Cyborg said frantically. "I knew I wouldn't see you again anyway, so I might have started that relationship a bit early. Besides, I was pretty sure you were gonna die when I left."

"What!" Sarasim cried, now thoroughly ticked. "I'll kill you!" And with that, Sarasim jumped Cyborg, trying to rip him to pieces. Cyborg cried out in pain as the cave-girl did so. At ocne, all the other girls jumped them as well, and the five fought long and hard.

Eventually, Raven came to the door. "Can you keep it down!" she cried. Then she saw what was happening. "Cyborg, what the hell is going on here?"

"All the girls I've ever fallen in love with are trying to kill each other!" Cyborg cried frantically, trying to pry them off him. He was surprised when he saw Raven began to tear slightly. "Now what?"

"Cyborg, I thought..." Raven said, looking away. She sniffled quietly. "I thought you loved me!"

"Oh, now come on!" Cyborg cried, jumping up. "This is just DUMB! There has been absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support that statement!"

**(A/N: HA! Take that Cy/Rae fans! Cyborg speaks the truth!)**

And now, Cyborg had five girls in his room, all crying and fighting angrily. HE began to feel fed up. Steam blew out of his ears as his face turned bright red.

"ENOUGH!" he cried, yelling so loud he broke a computer. Immediately, they all stopped. Jinx and BumbleBee were laying on top of each other, grabbing at each other's hair. Sarah was unconscious, thanks to her lack of super-powers. Sarsi was on Cyborg's back, attempting to bite through his neck. And Raven was crying in a corner, rocking back and forth.

"The truth is, I don't love ANY of you!" Cyborg cried angrily. "The truth is, there is only one person out there for me."

"YEAH!" came a sixth and final voice. "ME!"

They all turned to look at the newcomer. It was Gizmo. He smiled. "I brought the flowers, Cyborg, my love!"

_WHY TERRA HASN"T COME BACK YET_

"That's it! I've done it!" Cyborg said, pumping a fist in the air triumphantly. "I've found a way to bring back Terra!"

At this, several things happened. Robin and Star looked up to stare at Cyborg. BeastBoy paused his game to jump up and run over to the tin man. And Raven looked up from her book. You could hear her growling in the distance.

"Are you serious?" BB said, a smile consuming his face. "Finally! We can bring her back! YAHOO!"

"That is stupendous news!" Starfre cried, jumping into the air happily. "Finally we will be able to see friend Terra once again!"

"Good to hear," Robin said, just as happy as everyone else.

Raven however, just growled. She hated Terra. And she hated how the blonde bitch made BB go all 'googily-eyed'. She wished BB would love her, instead of that blonde traitor.

"Okay, I'm creating the serum now!" Cyborg said, transferring the data into a large beaker. "But be careful! I can only do this once. It's one of a kind."

"Who cares?" BB said, jumping up and down happily. Finally, the machine beeped. A beaker appeared, fll of yellow and green liquid. BB grabbed it impatiently.

Elated, the green boy began to dance around happily. "Terra's comin' back! Terra's comin' back!" Finally, he stopped and looked at the door. "C'mon! Let's go now! The sooner the better!"

And with that, the green teen ran towards the doorway, the serum held out in front of him stupidly. As BB neared her. Raven did the only thing she could think of to do. She stuck her foot out.

The changeling yelped out as Raven's leg tripped him. Falling on his chest, the beaker fell and crashed onto the floor. The serum disappeared, vanishing into the air as it hit the floor.

The formula was gone.

BB looked like he was about to cry. He looked up at Raven with tearing eyes. The rest of the Titans stared at her to, desperate to know what came over her.

She shrugged and gave a small smile. "Oops. Clumsy me."

BB frowned. "Raven, that's what you said the last three times we tried this."

_WHY RAVEN'S ALWAYS SO. . . LIKE RAVEN_

"Oh come on, Rae!" BB pleaded. "Just a little tofu! C'mon, it's filled with soybeany goodness!"

"Herbal...Tea," Raven said, referring to the large cup she was drinking.

"You know that stuff can't be _that_ good for you!" BB said.

Raven shrugged. "Eh. Probably not."

"You know what, I don't even know what they use to make this stuff," BB said, picking up the nearby package of herbal tea.

"Neither do I," Raven said, taking another large gulp of it. "But I never really cared. I've drunk nothing but this stuff for years, and I came out all right."

"Whoa, hold on!" BB said, reading the label on the package. "Rae, have you ever read this label?"

"No, why?" she asked. "What's it say?"

"Um, let's see..." BB said, reading it out loud. It read:

_WARNING! Do not drink more than one cup of this herbal tea every 48 hours! _

_Prolonged drinkage of said tea can cause serious side-effects. _

_These side-effects include, but are not limited to:_

_Purple hair and eyes_

_Loss of voice_

_Low self-esteem_

_Constant head aches_

_Evil grins_

_Attraction towards green individuals_

_Non-stop PMSing _

As BeastBoy finished reading the label, he looked up to stare at Raven. She just stared back, her eyes wide. After a good minute of staring at the green teen, she looked back down at her tea. The brown liquid just sat there.

As Raven's eyes remained wide, she looked back up at BeastBoy, who shifted nervously.

"Heh," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I guess this explains a lot, huh?"

_WHY ROBIN REFUSES TO GET 'CLOSE' TO STAR_

"How come you never showed me these cool moves, Starfire?" Robin asked the red-haired alien girl. Star merely blushed and turned away.

"Probably because she doesn't know them," Blackfire said, laughing. Star looked away again. "I always was the better fighter!"

"I...must go now," Star said, floating out of the room.

"Star, wait!" Robin said, reaching out for her. But she was gone. He sighed.

"You like my sister, don't you?" Blackfire said, approaching Robin. "Don't worry, I can keep a secret."

"Well, okay, if you promise not to tell anyone," Robin said, turning to Star's sister. "The truth is...I love Star more than anyone I've ever met."

"That's what I thought," Blackfire said, grinning. The next thing Robin knew, he was on his back, with Blackfire on top of him. The alien girl was hissing loudly, and her eyes glowed a dangerous purple.

"You ever so much as _touch_ my little sister, and I'll kill your entire family, and all your friends!" Blackfire said, hissing like a snake. A forked tongue snaked out of her mouth.

"And I'll make you watch while I kill them!" she said, growling. "And then I swear I'll castrate you on the spot! That way you'll never have sex, with Star or anyone else! Get what I'm saying, bird boy!"

_WHY ROBIN NEVER TAKES OFF HIS MASK_

Robin sat in the doctor's room, sitting on the table in the corner. He was dressed up in his full costume, even the mask. He never took off his mask. And that was actually the reason he was here. The 12 year old boy looked around nervously.

"So, what seems to be the problem, Robin?" the doctor said, walking into the room.

"It's my mask, doctor," Robin said, jumping off the table. "Whenever I take it off, my head hurts. A LOT. Batman doesn't know what to do, so I came here. Can you help me?"

"Well, your tests all came back good," the doctor said, smiling. "Except this one thing, that is. Apparently, you have Mask Dependency Syndrome."

"Mask Dependency Syndrome?" Robin asked. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you need to wear your mask. "According to the tests, if you take your mask off, a growth will appear on you forehead. It will grow bigger and bigger until you put the mask back on."

"What kinda growth?" the Boy Wonder asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, according to the tests..." the doctor said, looking slightly disgusted. "You'll have a dick growing out of your had. Medically speaking off course."

"WHAT?" Robin said, horrified and disgusted at the same time. Suddenly, he no longer liked the name of Dick Grayson. . .

"That's what it says," the doctor said, scratching his head in confusion. "My, that's weird."

"So, what you're telling me," Robin said, "is that when I look into the mirror in the morning, without my mask, I'll see a huge...WANG growing out of my forehead?"

"Oh no," the doctor said, smiling. "You won't be able to see it."

"The testicles will be in the way of your eyes."

**A/N:** Pleasant thought to leave you with, huh? I love dirtying your minds. Next time I think I'll do a chapter on the villains of the show. I'm sure _they_ must have some stories to tell. Hehe...

Review or I'll make sure you all get Mask Dependency Syndrome. I love threatening people with sick diseases...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Do you really want me to own them? Cuz I don't. But, if you sign my petition. . .

**A/N: **Well, it's time to update this story! I just got a bunch of new ideas, and you know what that means! I suffered another head injury! W00t!

Also, I want to tell everyone in advance that I do not mean anything by writing this. I realize none of the characters in the Teen Titans actually act this way, and I'm sorry if any of you are offended by the stuff I write here. I'm a guy and that means some of my writing is kinda perverted. I know I'm breaking the man code by admitting this, but we guys suck. We're all perverts, it's true, there's no denying it. So, just know I am not as perverted as my writing is, and I do this in the name of humor. Nothing more.

Anyways, I know I promised you guys a chapter with the villains, but I wanna do this one first. Just because. And the fact that none of you have a say in the matter can only help. . .

**BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER!**

**CHAPTER THREE**

_CYBORG: MATCHMAKER!_

'Mmm...' thought Cyborg. 'Man, I'm hungry. Might as well finish off that seven footer I left in the fridge!' Licking his licks hungrily, Cyborg sat up and looked at the time. It was two in the morning, but that didn't stop him. He was hungry!

The metal man got up and exited his room, making his way to the kitchen. His thoughts were dominated by visions of beef and meat, and thus he didn't notice right away when he saw the kitchen was already occupied. He eventually noticed however.

As he opened the door to the main room, he saw both BeastBoy and Robin sitting at the kitchen table. BB was only in his boxers and undershirt, and Robin was in nothing but a bathrobe. The two were staring off into the distance, bags under their eyes. Cans of cola littered the floor, leaving a large pile underneath them.

"What I miss?" Cyborg asked, taking a seat across the table. Both looked up to stare at him, but said nothing. They looked like zombies.

"Can't...sleep," BB mumbled, his head hitting the table with a _WHACK_. He lifted his head back up and lowered it again. He continued to hit his head against the table as Cyborg looked over at the Boy Wonder.

"BB and I have been just been having...trouble sleeping, recently," Robin said, looking over at the green boy. BB just kept hitting his head on the table. "Stop that!"

"Sorry..." BB said, looking back up.

"Maybe I can help?" Cyborg offered. Robin and BeastBoy both chuckled nervously.

"I doubt it..." Robin said, rolling his eyes behind his mask.

"Ah, c'mon!" Cyborg said. "Just tell me! I promise I can help SOMEHOW!"

"Well..." BeastBoy said, looking over at Robin. The Boy Wonder shrugged. "I guess."

"Right. Just tell me the problem," Cyborg said, grinning.

"Well...it's basically...girls," they both said simultaneously.

"Girls?" Cyborg said, smiling even wider. "C'mon give me the details!"

"Specifically...it's Starfire," Robin said.

"And Raven," BB said. They both blushed at this and looked down, embarrassed. Cyborg just laughed.

"Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Cyborg said, punching them both on the shoulder. "I mean, I'd do Star in a heartbeat. Raven too, for that matter..." He stopped as he saw his teammates' disgusted faces. Robin looked red with rage, and BB looked like his eyes wee about to pop out of his head.

"Um...not that I mean anything by that," Cyborg said. "But I understand why you'd be obsessed over them."

"Yeah..."

"So, what's the big problem?" Cyborg asked them.

"We keep dreaming about them," BB said, looking up. "You have no freakin' clue how often either! This is the twenty-second night Rob and I have been out here! I just can't get Raven out of my head! I don't even HAVE any clean boxers anymore!"

"I really didn't need to know that..."

"Well you're gonna have to hear it again, because I'm the same," Robin said. "But, our dirty laundry aside, we need this to stop. We both are totally obsessed with those two! We need help!"

"That's true, you do," Cyborg said. "Well, you've come to the right place! Cyborg, matchmaker, at your service! Robin, let's do you first. You're easier."

"How so?"

"Okay, let me make this as clear to you as humanly possible," Cyborg said, staring him in the eye. "Fuck—her."

"Excuse me!"

"I'm serious!" Cyborg said, holding up his hands. "The girl completely digs you! You'd have to be either ignorant or blind not to see it. Saying she doesn't love you is like saying that BeastBoy isn't green!"

**(A/N: HA! Take that Rob/Rae fans! Cyborg speaks the truth yet again!)**

"Are you...sure?" Robin asked, looking up at the mechanical man.

"Positive!" Cyrbog said. "Now get your butt into her room and hump her brains out!"

"If you say so..." With this, Cyborg pushed the boy out of the room.

"And don't come back until you ain't a virgin no more!" Cyborg cried, slamming the door behind him. He turned to see BB staring at him.

"Wow, I hope that's my advice too..."

**To be continued. . .**

_WHY ROBIN HATES SLADE SO MUCH_

"I did the job, Slade," Robin said, returning to Slade's base. He had been the man's apprentice for two days now, but the hated it. He hated working for any villain, period. But he was about to hate it even more. . .

"Slade? Are you here?" Robin asked, looking around.

"Right here, Robin!" Slade said, stepping into the light.

"DEAR GOD!" Robin cried, looking away. "You're naked!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," the naked Slade said with a mysterious lisp. "You can't tell me you aren't tempted..."

"What are you implying you sick, twisted man?"

"C'mon, I know you want me..."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Robin cried, jumping out of the pedophile's way. "I'm straight! And only sixteen! What's wrong with you!"

"Come Robin, we both want this..."

"NO WE DON'T!"

"At least touch it."

"WHAT!" Robin cried, jumping back again. "I'm not gonna touch your...ugh! That's just sick!"

"C'mon, touch it. You know you want to..."

_WHY CYBORG HATES BROTHER BLOOD SO MUCH_

"C'mon Cyborg, touch it. I know you want to..."

_WHY STARFIRE IS ALWAYS SO...OUT OF IT_

The Tamaranean girl looked up as she heard the doorbell ring. Makign sure no one else was around, she zoomed to the doorway of the Tower. She checked who it was.

Prof. Chang. Perfect. She had been running low, and needed something only he could provide. She pulled open the door quickly.

"Do you have the products I so desire?" Starfire asked. Her green eyes flashed dangerously.

"Of course I do, you silly girl," Chang said, staring back. "I always have what my customers need."

"How much is it this time?" Star asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"It will be two hundred for the lot," Chang said, digging into the great big box he carried around. "But you know, I really shouldn't be doing this. It just seems unethical, what with you being a Teen Titan and all..."

At once, Chang was thrown to the ground. Star jumped on top of him, hissing. "Do you think I care? I must be this way! I need those products!" Her eyes glowed bright green as Chang cowered in fear.

"Now, give me my crack!"

_WHAT STARFIRE AND RAVEN DO WHEN THEY'RE ALONE_

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," Both girls chanted. They were levitating in midair, legs crossed. They held their arms out over their legs in classic meditating position. Both were at perfect peace.

Star opened her eyes slowly to look over at Raven. The dark girl's purple hair and blue cloak fluttered behind her gracefully. Raven suddenly stopped chanting and looked over at Starfire.

"Star, why are you stopping?" Raven asked, looking over at her. "This is the third time today you've stopped. I can sense something is wrong."

"It is...hard to admit," Star said, mumbling slightly. "And even harder for me to pronounce."

"Uh huh..."

"I feel...what is the word?" Star said, looking up to the ceiling. "Of the horn?"

"Uh...horny?" Raven said, her eyebrow raising slightly.

"That is the word!" Star said, pointing excitedly. "I am feeling the 'horny!'"

"Um...thanks for telling me that..." Raven tried. This was getting weird. "But I, uh...don't really know how to help you there."

"Why not?" Star asked, naive as always.

"I'm a girl, like you," Raven said, pointing out the obvious. "Therefore can't really...how should I put it...help you with that problem?"

"I must ask why not once again," Star said. "Why not?"

"Um...have you ever had 'the talk?'" Raven said, looking over at her. Starfire blinked.

"What is this 'talk' of which you speak?"

"Oh no..." Raven said. "I just went over this with BeastBoy last week. Now you too..." She sighed. "I might as well get this over with..."

**A/N: **Well, that's the end, sorry. I know it's needlessly short, but oh well. I'll update whenever I feel like it.

Review if you wanna.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Own the Teen Titans, I do not. In a Yoda voice, I shall speak.

**A/N:** Well, I'm bored . . . and you people have just been positively hassling me to update this thing, so I'm just gonna do it and get it over with. You better be appreciative, though. I know I promised all of you a chapter with the villains; I say, screw that. I'll do what I want, and I don't feel like doing a chapter on the villains right now. So . . . I won't.

And before I start, I just have a short message to everyone who has been whining to me to update: **GET OFF MY NUTS!**

Enjoy:

**BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER!**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_CYBORG MATCHMAKER PART II_

"Sorry, BB," said Cyborg. "But unfortunately, your advice is different." Only moments ago, Cyborg had sent Robin to Starfire's room to 'do the do.' This was, of course, how Cyborg planned it; he was playing matchmaker for BB and Robin and Robin was up first.

Not it was BB's turn.

"It is?" asked BB. He looked crestfallen. "Darn it . . . ."

"Here's what you gotta do, BB," Cyborg said, pulling his green friend closer. "You see, yours is pretty easy, too. But to attract Raven, you have to remember the one most important thing about her."

"And that is?" BB asked.

Cyborg smiled. "Girl has low self-esteem!"

A moment passed. The gears turned in BB's head. The hamster that was his brain began to run faster and faster in its wheel . . . until it tripped, got stuck in the wheel, and choked to death in the spokes.

"Huh?"

Cyborg sighed. He grabbed Beast Boy and made him face him from across the table. "BB, the thing with girls with low self-esteem is that they throw themselves at anyone who shows affection for them! _ANYONE!_"

BB nodded. "So . . . what do I have to do?"

"Simple," Cyborg said. "You walk up to her room, enter, and tell her you love her." He grinned and leaned back in his chair. "As simple as that."

BB raised his eyebrow in doubt. "As simple as that?"

"As simple as that."

"I'm not sure . . ."

"Of course you are, now come on," Cyborg said, grabbing BB and dragging him out into the hallway. "I am getting you two hooked up tonight, so I don't have to watch you guys flirt anymore. And I'm not even going into the laundry subject . . ."

Finally, the two reached Raven's door. "Now do just as I told you," Cyborg said. "I'll be right on the other end of the hallway if you need me." And with that, he ran to the other end of the hallway . . . and back out into the kitchen.

"Suckers . . ." he muttered, getting his sandwich. "Don't mess with Cyborg when he's hungry!"

Back in the hallway, BB knocked on Raven's door. He stood there and shuffled nervously until he finally heard some movement in the room. So, he knocked again. And again. And he continued to knock until a very disgruntled Raven answered the door.

"BEAST BOY!" she screamed, growling at him. She was only in her nightclothes and looked positively ferocious. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were bloodshot, and a dangerous black aura surrounded her, threatening to tear Beast Boy limb from limb.

BB couldn't have been more turned on.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Raven shouted. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to — "

"I love you, Raven," BB said without blinking.

Raven stopped and blinked. "Hold on . . . what? Say that again?"

"I love you, Raven," BB repeated.

And he was then knocked backwards as Raven threw her arms around him and began to kiss him passionately. "I love you too, Beast Boy . . . " kiss "Oh, Gd, I love you too!"

_Dude, Cyborg was right! _BB thought to himself. _This was way too easy!_

"Oh, Beast Boy . . . " Raven moaned as she continued to kiss him everywhere. "We should have sex!"

BB heard that and immediately straightened up like a board. Nothing moved; his brain into overtime. And then . . . movement. An eye twitched. A grin began to form. Raven began to pull him into her room.

And BB could only think of one thing to say.

"Sweeeeeeeeet . . . "

_BAD, BAD SILKIE!_

Starfire was arriving back at the Tower from a week long trip from Tamaran when she noticed the Tower wasn't quite as she had left it. Maybe it was the huge holes bitten out of it. Maybe it was the pink sludge located all over the place. Maybe it was the dark gray feathers that littered the ground and stuck to the walls.

But Starfire, being, of course, Starfire, did not take into account any of this. The thing she noticed that was different from before was that her friends were missing.

"Oh, friends? Where are you?" asked Starfire as she walked into the main control room. She stepped through several layers of pink slime and looked under every cushion and hole in the room. "Oh friends? Why have you deserted me?"

So, Starfire, being the wayward alien she was, looked all over the Tower. She looked in the basement, which was filled with pink slime, and found no one. She looked in the kitchen, where every morsel of food had been scarfed down and thrown about, and found no one. She looked in the gym, where gray, dark feathers were blowing all over the place. And still she found no one.

"Oh, what am I to do?" Starfire asked herself. "My friends are gone, and I have no idea where they have gone to!" What was a poor, naive alien girl to do? "Why, I shall go feed Silkie!"

And the happy alien girl rushed to her room to go find her beloved worm-baby. She found her room, punched in the code, and opened the door to enter.

Only to be eaten by a huge, pink tongue that swallowed her whole.

"Aaah!" Starfire cried as she felt sharp teeth push into her and the tongue push her back into the throat of the creature. She felt a rush of sticky saliva and then a thump . . . and she was in the belly of the beast.

There, Starfire had the bright idea of conjuring a starbolt so she could see. And you know what she saw?

"My friends!" Starfire cried out. There they were: Robin, Cyborg, and Raven, all huddled together in the stomach of the monster and covered in drool and pink slime. Only Beast Boy was missing.

"Please, friends, where are we?" Starfire asked. "Has Soto come back? Has Johnny Rancid created another metal monster? Has Raven's father, The Trigon, eaten us whole?"

"It was Silkie," Robin said, his eye twitching behind his mask.

"You're damn bug ate those stupid berries again," Cyborg pointed out. "And now he's eaten us all."

"We've been here for three days," Raven grumbled. A bubble of green slime shot out of her nose. "ACHOO!"

"Where is Beast Boy?" asked Starfire, completely unfazed by the fact that her pet just ate everyone.

"We sent him to find a way out," Robin said. As he said so, bubbles began to appear at the bottom of the stomach acid. "That must be him, now."

Moments later, a fish flopped back into the stomach and transformed into a very wet and very annoyed Beast Boy. He spit out some bodily fluids that were not his own.

"Well?" Cyborg asked? "Any luck?"

"Well, I found a way out . . . " BB said, looking into the back of Silkie. He grimaced.

"But it's not pretty . . . "

_CHICKEN MAN!_

It was a peaceful day in Titans Tower. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all the Titans had the day off from fighting crime. Robin was enjoying some morning coffee in the kitchen, Starfire was cooking some alien recipe, Cyborg was playing video games, and Raven was reading a book.

Only Beast Boy was missing.

And so, the day was to continue as a very relaxed and peaceful one. With BB gone, it was even more so like heaven to the Titans, especially for Raven, who was finally starting to enjoy her book.

All was quiet. Until . . .

"CHICKEN MAN!"

Raven sighed. She knew it had been too good to be true . . .

At once, all four of the Titans looked up to see Beast Boy in the main door. And, all at once, their eyes widened in fear and panic. BB was at it again. The young man was nearly naked, save for a thankful loincloth wrapped around his . . . well, loin. His body was dirty and his eyes were wild.

And he was carrying about a dozen chickens.

"I am Chicken Man! Here to entertain you!"

Without another word, the green fiend threw a chicken, much like a football, at the head of the nearest Titan. That being, Robin.

"Beast Boy, don't — !" Robin started. He was interrupted by an angry chicken being thrown at his face. This resulted in a mouthful of chicken butt and Robin screaming and falling over.

"Beast Boy!" Starfire cried out, looking at Robin's fate. "This is most unacceptable! You are being a royal glabbernotch!"

To which BB responded: "Chicken up your skirt!"

And then he stuffed a chicken up her skirt.

Needless to say, Starfire cried out and ran across the room, attempting madly to remove the chicken that was now caught in her miniskirt.

BB, eyes wild, then turned to face Cyborg and Raven. The two remaining Titans' faces portrayed fear and horror at what they saw. Never before had they seen such gruesome use of a feathered animal.

"ATTACK, MY PRETTIES!" Beast Boy cried out. At once, all of the chickens dived at Cyborg and Raven. Cyborg immediately screamed like a girl and began to run away, attempting to throw the chickens off of him.

Raven, meanwhile, was left to sneer her brains out, as she is allergic to chickens.

"Beast Boy! ACHOO — When I — ACHOO — get you, I'll — ACHOO!"

Beast Boy was left to laugh maniacally at what he had done. "HAHA! FEAR ME! FOR I AM . . . THE CHICKEN MAN!"

_WORD GAME_

_(Based on a true story!)_

"I'm bored!" Beast Boy hollered out for the four-hundredth time that day.

"I have an idea," Raven said, turning to the bored green one. "I have a game for you, Beast Boy. It's called the word game. Basically, I will say a word, and then you will say the first word that comes to your mind. I will then say the first word that comes to my mind, and we will continue from there. Interested?"

"Sure!" BB said, jumping up. "I'll start! Um . . . Sex!"

Raven rolled her eyes and then said "Mature"

BB responded "Adult"

To which Raven said "Parents"

And so on.

BB: "Married"

Raven: "Love"

BB: "Kiss"

Raven: "Lips"

BB: "Nose"

Raven: "Nostril"

BB: "Rape!"

Then there was a pause. All of the remaining Titans, who had been watching the game with some interest, immediately let their eyes widen and their faces become distorted. Raven, who had been ready to respond, immediately shut her mouth and let her eyes widen as well.

They all looked at Beast Boy.

"Um . . . nostril rape?" Robin asked, his eyebrows reaching for the sky.

BB blinked. "Um . . . hehe . . . new game, anyone?"

_WHAT SPEEDY AND AQUALAD DO WHEN THEY'RE ALONE_

Bumblebee was comfortably watching tv with Mas y Menos in Titans East Tower when she heard a few thumps coming from the other room. Curious, she looked up and walked over to it. Mas y Menos followed right behind her. There was another thump. Immediately, all three of them put their ears to the door and listened.

They recognized the voices of both Speedy and Aqualad in the next room. Together. And their mouths dropped when they heard what they were saying.

"Like this?" came Aqualad's voice

"Yeah, now be very careful with the shaft," said Speedy

"Oh, I see now . . . wow, it's really smooth."

"Yeah, it'll do that."

"Hmm-mm! I can see why you do this all the time!"

"Hehe, yeah. Now be careful!"

"What?"

"You're too far forward! Pull back, pull back!" cried Speedy

"Oh, geez, sorry!" said Aqualad.

"It's okay; now push forward again, but not too far forward."

"Okay, I think I have it!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's it!"

There came some cheers and happy noises from the other room. Mas y Menos looked at each other and turned blue. Bumblebee gulped worriedly. It seemed that everyone's suspicions were about to be confirmed.

"Almost there! Almost there!" Aqualad said.

"Yes, that's it! Go for it!" Speedy cheered.

_THUMP!_

"Man, that was awesome!" said Aqualad.

"Definitely! But next time, we should get everyone's asses in here too, man," Speedy said.

Speedy and Aqualad then opened the door and entered the common room.

"Hey guys," Aqualad said. "Speedy just taught me how to us his bow and arrows! We should all try, it's awesome!" Then he looked around.

Bumblebee had fainted on the floor and was a sickly green. Mas y Menos were busy throwing up into a bucket and racing to try and get away.

"Uh . . . guys?" asked Speedy.

**A/N: **Well, I think I'm done for now. I've managed to make myself laugh to hysterics by now, so you all better like this.

Review. Cuz it's cool. And it's better than drugs. Most of the time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I proclaim that I, Draco Blade, own not the Teen Titans!

**A/N: **Who's in the mood for more perverted humor? Huh, no one? Really? Well, bullocks to you people. I'm gonna write more anyway!

A very special thanks to my friend Kat, who came up with the ideas behind _DIRTY LAUNDRY _and _RAVEN'S READING MATERIAL_. What would I do without ya?

Heh. Enjoy:

**BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_WATCHING . . . ALWAYS WATCHING . . . _

Raven looked back towards her wall again. For the past few weeks, she couldn't help but feel as if someone was watching her. Every time she bent down or looked around, she could feel eyes on her. It was getting really creepy.

She had searched the room but never found anything but the usual security camera Robin had installed when the Tower was first built. And she had gotten used to those ages ago; it wasn't like anyone besides Robin ever watched them, after all. And that was only during emergencies.

Right?

"Sweet," Beast Boy grinned as he leaned back in his swivel chair in the Titans Surveillance Room. All five screens had been rewired to focus on Raven's room especially. He clicked a button on the remote and watched as the security cameras followed Raven around her room. They were silent and every motion was nearly invisible to the human eye. Raven was none the wiser.

Several other screens showed recordings of Beast Boy's (ahem) _favorite_ moments of Raven caught on tape. He delighted himself in watching this ones over and over again. He could have stayed there for days.

Until, that is, Robin came in.

"Beast Boy, what are you doing here?" Robin asked, entering the Surveillance Room. "This room is off-limits, and just what . . . uh . . . what are you doing?"

"Spying on Raven," Beast Boy said, undaunted, spinning around in his swivel chair to look at Robin.

"Um . . . _why_ are you spying on Raven?"

"Well, you're always telling me that I should get to know her a little better so that we can actually learn to like each other," Beast Boy explained. He had this memorized. "So, I decided the best way to get to know Raven is to watch her when she doesn't know I'm around."

"Is that really ethical, Beast Boy?" Robin asked.

Beast Boy shrugged. "Who knows. But I've learned loads! You can learn a lot about Raven watching her sleep . . . and undress . . . and shower. And that's just for starters!"

"Uh huh," Robin said, his eyebrow raised. He was gonna kill Beast Boy for this. But first he had to ask the one question he was dying to know the answer to.

"So, uh, Beast Boy . . . if that's all you've been up to . . . where are your pants?"

Beast Boy sighed and leaned back in his chair. "A better question would be 'where are my boxers?'"

_CHEWING GUM_

Starfire floated down the hallway, working her jaw muscles as hard as she could. She swished and chewed and flipped the object in her mouth back and forth, working at it as best she could. A small bit of saliva dripped out of her mouth as she did so.

(She's chewing gum, get your minds out of the gutter, people)

Starfire reached the common room and entered it, immediately flying over to the kitchen cabinets. The other Titans all looked up as they watched the alien girl fly from shelf to shelf, opening every drawer or door or pantry, throwing things about.

"Starfire?" Robin asked. "What are you looking for?"

"I am searching for more gum!" Starfire answered her friend. "I saw on the television that Earth has a book of records. It said that no one has ever had more than three pounds of gum in their mouth before. I intend to break theat record! But for that, I need more gum!"

"How much do you have already?" asked Cyborg, looking over at her.

"I fear it is only around two pounds," Starfire informed them. "Please, I need more of it!"

"Two pounds?" Raven asked. "I wasn't even aware we had that much gum in the Tower. Wherever did you find all of that?"

Starfire giggled a little and shuffled her feet. "Truthfully, I am not sure all of what I have in my mouth at this time is indeed chewing gum."

All of the Titans blinked. "Um . . . what?"

"I could not find enough pre-chewed gum," Starfire explained, "and I remembered many shows on the television showing loose pieces of already chewed gum on the bottom of various desks and tables. I searched around and could not find any; out Tower is most clean. But then I found a source of much chewing gum!"

"Um . . . where was that?" Robin asked, growing worried.

"Under a certain bed," Starfire answered him. "The bed had many chewable substances underneath of it. Truthfully, about half of what is in my mouth I found from underneath that bed."

"Um . . . Starfire?" Beast Boy asked. "Exactly whose bed was that?"

"Yours," said Starfire.

There was a pause, a silence. For a moment, none of the Titans spoke. And then Beast Boy broke the silence.

"Oh, Sweet Jesus . . . no . . . "

_WEDDING VOWS_

It was the day of Cyborg and Bumblebee's wedding. They had invited all of their old Titan friends to come along and be with them on this special day. Beast Boy and Robin were, of course, the best men and they watched and waited as Cyborg began to read his wedding vows to his beloved Bumblebee.

The entire church was silent as they listened for Cyborg to clear his throat and start his beautiful vows. He lifted up the cards he had them written on and began to read.

"I, Cyborg, pledge my undying love to you, Bumblebee, as I invite you to share my life," started Cyborg. "To this end, I call upon all present to witness that I take you as my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward. For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer."

"In sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live," he said. And then added, reading the last note: "Unless you get paralyzed from the waist down. Then I'm gone like the wind, baby."

As the rest of the congregation began to gasp in shock and awe, and Bumblebee fainted on the stand, Beast Boy began to giggle like a freak.

"That was totally worth getting dressed up for," he said to Robin, who was also holding in a laugh. "And I told you I could write wedding vows."

_DIRTY LAUNDRY_

Robin was on his way to do one of his favorite things in the entire world: laundry. Robin liked laundry a lot. He liked cleaning and he liked being clean.Sometimes when he was fighting crime, he was even thinking about doing laundry. Cleaning up crime, he would think, and chuckle to himself.

Yeah, it was pretty sad.

Robin entered the laundry room and opened the nearest washer/dryer. It was empty. He was just about to put his own dirty clothes in when he saw something amongst the machine. A forgotten piece of clothing!

Naturally, Robin had to do the right thing and rescue the poor, defenseless piece of cloth and fabric. So, he reached in, grabbed it, and pulled it out. And his eyes widened immediately.

Panties. Girl Panties. But not just any girl panties. What he was holding in his hand was a tight, pink _thong. _

Robin blushed. It was Starfire's. It had to be, no one else in the Tower wore pink panties.

_What do I do?_ Robin thought. _What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?_

And then a lone voice broke in: _Sniff it_

Robin paused for a moment, his brain in internal conflict with itself.

_Sniff it? What are you, crazy?_

_No, I'm perfectly sane. Go ahead. You know you want to._

_That's kinda gross . . . _

_Oh, come on. It's not like she's ever gonna find out!_

_Still . . ._

_You love her, right? You've been waiting for an opportunity like this forever!_

Robin nodded. He couldn't help himself. It was just what any teenage guy would do, right? Slowly, carefully, hesitantly, he bent down to towards the clothing in his hands and took agreat, big whiff.

He then leaned back and grinned to himself, taking a breath of fresh hair. That smelt kinda good, he thought. Maybe just one more. . .

"Ahem," came a voice behind him.

Robin turned around quickly to find a very annoyed, very peeved Raven looking at him. Her eyebrow was raised and her both of her cheeks were now as red as Robin's.

"If you're done defiling that thong," Raven said sourly, "_I'd like to have it back!_"

_RAVEN'S READING MATERIAL_

Beast Boy was annoyed. He was watching his teammate and friend Raven reading another one of her books. Again! She was always reading a book and always ignoring him. He was getting sick of it. What was so interesting to read that a girl would ignore him?

"Dude," he said, turning to Cyborg who was playing video games next to him. "Don't you ever wonder what she reads about?"

"Not really," Cyborg said. He looked over at Raven, who was calmly sitting on a chair across the room and reading her book, smiling to herself. "Long as she's happy man, I really couldn't care less. It's probably just some ancient rune stuff anyway. Doubt we would understand it."

"I guess," Beast Boy said. He frowned and looked over at Raven again. Her smile was growing and he swore she was turning red. Raven was actually blushing! "That's it!" he said to Cyborg. "I'm gonna find what out just what is so darn interesting that she can ignore me like this!"

"Dude, don't do it!" Cyborg warned. But it was too late.

"Hey, Rae," BB said, walking over to the girl.

Raven sighed and looked at him, irritated that he had interrupted her reading yet again. "Yes? What do you want, Beast Boy? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Oh, I know," BB said, trying to keep a straight face. "But it's just that . . . well, I went into your room and I _might_ have messed with your mirror. Happy told me to say hello."

Raven jumped up immediately. "You let them out? _You let them out?_ Oh my God!" Raven then proceeded to drop her book and run out of the room.

Beast Boy grinned. "Piece of cake!" He then reached over and picked up Raven's forgotten book. He then watched as a magazine fell out of the ancient book. Confused, Beast Boy realized she was hiding the magazine! Raven hadn't been reading a book of runes at all; she had been reading the magazine!

"What the?" Beast Boy then bent down and picked up the magazine, opening it. And his face grew red and his eyes widened as he did. "Oh my God! Dude, Cyborg, dude, you have to see this!"

"What is it?" Cyborg said, pausing his game and looking up.

"It's what Rae's been reading all this time!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "It's . . . it's _porn_! Rae's been looking at _porn_ magazines this whole time!"

Cyborg just shrugged. "She's a growing girl, Beast Boy. Get over it. Rae was just curious. You look at porn all the time. Can you really blame her?"

"Normally, no," Beast Boy said, grinning. "Except that Rae's magazine has pictures of _girls_."

_THE NEW TITAN_

"Titans! I need your attention, please," said Robin, walking into the common room. All of the other Titans were present and they all looked up as their leader entered the room.

"It is my pleasure to inform you," started Robin. "That, starting today, we have a new member on the team. I've found a new recruit for the Teen Titans!"

What Robin expected to hear was applause. It's not what he got. Instead, he got four angry faces and a roomful of groans.

"You've got to be kidding me," Raven said. "We've been trying to recruit someone for months now! But every time we find someone, you claim that there is something wrong with them."

"Or that they are either connected to Slade or _are_ Slade," Cyborg pointed out. "Remember Metal Girl?"

"That _was_ Slade," Robin said, standing firmly. "How could you not tell? It was merely one of Slade's crafty disguises."

"How about my friend, the Jar-Token?" asked Starfire. "He was most formidable and would have made a very good addition to our family."

"He was Slade, too," Robin said with a straight face. "Just another disguise. He only wanted to get in so that he can steal our secrets and destroy us! I can't help it if you four keep picking out Slade and thinking he's a teen hero."

"What about Terra?" Beast Boy asked. "She's back to normal and you still wouldn't let her join."

"She was connected to Slade," Robin said. "It was written all over her face."

All of the Titans groaned. Robin was letting this Slade Obsession go too far.

"But don't be afraid, Titans!" Robin said. "For I have found a new recruit, a better recruit. A recruit that _isn't _Slade! May I introduce . . . Sladerina!"

The common doors opened and into the room stepped an incredibly tall 'girl.' The girl stood about six and a half feet tall and had very silly looking blond hair. She was dressed in a pink tutu that showed her incredibly hairy legs. She had combat boots beneath that and a bo staff strapped to her back. A black mask covered her face, hiding one of her eyes.

"I found Alice here helping to stop a bank robbery!" Robin pointed out obliviously. "She has some incredible moves. Don't you, Sladerina?"

"Oh, it was nothing," said Sladerina in a very deep, very cold voice. She then proceeded to giggle like crazy.

The rest of the Titans blinked.

"Say, Robin," said Sladerina. "Now that I'm a Titan, can I see your top secret plans and combat techniques? Pretty please?"

"Sure thing!" Robin said. "Follow me."

Robin then turned around and began to exit the common room. Sladerina followed right behind, but on the way out, she hit her head against the top of the doorway and the rest of the Titans watched as her blond hair fell right off. It was a wig. Sladerina turned around in a hurry, staring at all of them.

The Titans all raised their eyebrows as the so-called girl bent down and picked up her blonde wig.

"Ah . . . hehe . . . funny hair," said Sladerina in her cold, dark, _masculine_ voice. "Happens all the time!" She then proceeded to run out through the doorway, following after Robin.

As the door hissed shut, all of the Titans turned to look at each other. As one, they all groaned.

"You wanna tell Robin?" Beast Boy said to Raven. She shook her head.

"It's your turn."

**A/N:** Well, that's all folks! Thanks again to Kat for the inspiration! Join me next time for another perverted, strange, out-of-this-world installment of "Behind the Scenes in Titans Tower!" Until then, please review!

PEACE OUT!


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